Truth as I see it

After reading  Choose Joy I came up with some life goals. I want to be living intentionally and present, seeking God's will always and taking care of myself as much as possible. I want the people in my life to know that they are loved and also anyone I come in contact with. I think these goals are a good start. I want to; 1.  Be known as a woman of strong faith  2.  Walk the path God leads me down with courage and determination 3.  Appreciate all of my life and the many incredible blessings 4.  Love God, Love others- unconditionally 5.  Choose joy over anxiety 6.  Make healthy choices 7.  Be an encourager, Always speak the truth in love 8.  Forgive everyone including myself 9.  Ask for help when I need it 10. Be my own advocate with doctors Psalm 94:18-19 New International Version (NIV) 18  When I said, “My foot is slipping,”      your unfailing love, Lord , supported me. 19...

Cant’s! I am so sick of cant’s! Can’t do this can’t do that! I want a long list of things I Can do! The most recent can’t came yesterday when my hubs and I went to check out a beach where a group called Beach Dance meets. Moving, dancing on the sand is so much safer for me because the sand is forgiving both with movement and if I fall. The idea of spending an hour dancing with others and enjoying time on the beach was so enticing for me. Well Boo! The beach is inaccessible to me. It involves a ¼ mile hike over uneven ground and around lava boulders, which will shred you if you fall on them. On a positive note if you come visit me I will tell you where this beach is! So I am on to the Can Do list. Actually I am making it in to a Want To Do list because that is more empowering. Not a bucket list but things I can do on a regular basis. I could have completed the hike yesterday against my husbands advice and probably been injured maybe even needed a helicopter evacuation to ...

It's the nights that are hardest for me. My husband is asleep and I am chicken to go to the beach by myself and tv just makes matters worse. I just want to sleep. The CPAP machine seems to help when I can wear it -(trauma related Healing takes a lifetime ). Why can't I feel as tired at 9pm as I feel at 9am? My nerves are on fire and my muscles ache. I worry about what tomorrow will bring. Lord I know this is not the life you have for me and sometimes that makes it even more frustrating. I am tired of this battle. What must I do to be past it? Have mercy on my mind and remove this burden or at least give me rest. You are an all powerful God and my hope rests in your grace and goodness. Help me to trust you more Lord, in all things. To trust your timing, your reasons, and your promises. Please take this loneliness away that the enemy attempts to confuse me with. I am not alone as long as I am in your arms and blessed by your goodness. Lord help me to separate emotions and reality...