Truth as I see it

Lord thank you for your patience with me I am undeserving but grateful . My husband just bought me a brand new box of 64 Crayola Crayons and if you  know me at all you know how thrilled I am! Color, coloring, creating, wonderful. When I am need of nurturing coloring connects me to my mother who was such a good nurturer. She would sit and color with me in the hospital and at home when I was sick. A brand new box of crayons is a world of possibilities and is so much fun to open. Each crayon perfect and waiting to be used. I hope God sees me this way not perfect but willing to be used by Him. Charcot-Marie -Tooth my chronic disease is not usually the cause for my pain. Overdoing it and when I am physically tired can cause pain. I get cramps or sore muscles but overdoing it for me can be simple things like pulling weeds for 10 minutes or walking without my AFO"s for too long. The horrible, awful, burning, aching allover  (don't want to live) pain is from fibromyalgia and sin...

The following is a letter  I wrote to my family about 3 weeks ago. I genuinely just wanted to be real with them and didn't want them to be taken off guard if my condition worsened. Now they are all upset with me so I guess it wasn't a good idea? I find myself writing to the unknown and countless souls in the world who may, like me, just need to talk. Also to those who like me, believe in a God the creator with whom I feel confidant can handle my anger with love and grace. Friends and family I have been through a major health crisis this last week and I am now embarrassed to say was hoping I would not get better. I am tired and really fed up with this poor excuse of a body God gave me. I have tried to hold on for so many reasons for so long but it just keeps getting harder. I have been a little hopeless and that leads down a deep dark hole for me. Then my kidneys st arted to fail and I thought this really could be it. I prayed that God would heal me. N...