Truth as I see it

Had a very interesting experience last night. After seeing a podiatrist about my ankle we saw a man waiting for a cab with his foot wrapped and he looked discouraged. He asked us for a ride to the other medical facility 1/2 mile away, that seems so far when your unable to move yourself. It took us less than 5 minutes to take him. Turns out he was injured riding a motorcycle and it almost severed his foot. Here I am fighting for an amputation and he is fighting to save his foot. I know the issues don't line up but the thread of having a foot that doesn't work do.We both want to be pain free and as mobile as possible. I almost felt guilty for my perspective but reminded myself that he has not been dealing with this pain and foot issue for very long. Mine has been 25 years now. Not as bad as it currently is but repeated attempts to "fix" it have failed. I long for the day it is not attached to my body and other CMT'ers speak the same and are encouraging." It isn...

I am handicapped- there I said it! It is a reality I must come to terms with. I believe it will it make my life easier. I stopped hiding my CMT when I quit my last job and met Bernadette online and saw her videos. But not hiding it and identifying yourself as handicapped are two different things. I am scheduled for physical therapy next week and will get some advice of which device would help me to walk on sand and also identify me as handicapped. I am over fifty and it is much easier to address this issue now. I have lost most of my vanity and youthful exuberance and wearing AFO's for the last few years with shorts and skirts has also helped. The problem is with weak arms and injured right elbow and wrist I am not sure what suggestions they will have. I am open to whatever works at this point. Pick a new coping skill to work on! When you are chronically ill there are always obstacles to overcome and levels of physical challenges to deal with. For me the last several ye...

Another comedian admits to depression. Wayne Brady gave an interview and really opened up. It just goes to show how many people hide their depression and even enough to work making other people laugh. Sad. I certainly put on my smile for others but I don't have to do it to make a living. I always found it easier to feel "up" when I worked because I was focusing on other people.The more celebrities that share openly the better it will be for all of us. Depression can be part of a normal  grieving process with any loss, it can be biological or the affect of PTSD. You can't just decide to be happy if you have clinical depression. You have to work at it through therapy, educating yourself, lifestyle, diet and sometimes pharmaceutical aid. I have a brain that was permanently affected by severe trauma and I have learned to look at the meds as a positive and be grateful for them. An earlier post PTSD Facebook Page talks about how they can now see on an MRI...

It's the nights that are hardest for me. My husband is asleep and I am chicken to go to the beach by myself and tv just makes matters worse. I just want to sleep. The CPAP machine seems to help when I can wear it -(trauma related Healing takes a lifetime ). Why can't I feel as tired at 9pm as I feel at 9am? My nerves are on fire and my muscles ache. I worry about what tomorrow will bring. Lord I know this is not the life you have for me and sometimes that makes it even more frustrating. I am tired of this battle. What must I do to be past it? Have mercy on my mind and remove this burden or at least give me rest. You are an all powerful God and my hope rests in your grace and goodness. Help me to trust you more Lord, in all things. To trust your timing, your reasons, and your promises. Please take this loneliness away that the enemy attempts to confuse me with. I am not alone as long as I am in your arms and blessed by your goodness. Lord help me to separate emotions and reality...

                             It never ceases to fascinate me how God works. No sooner have I started this blog than have I been in conversation with people who are suffering from depression or chronic illness. “We need a voice, someone to speak the truth”, a reader told me. Please know I am not a professional mental health worker and I am only sharing my thoughts and experiences. You should always contact a doctor or a therapist if you are feeling like taking your own life. Dr. Oz said on his show today that telling someone you have thought of suicide is the most important thing. Even if you are admitted to a healthcare facility it is possible that during that time your perception of life will change enough to give you hope and hope changes everything. I also want to introduce the idea to you the idea that taking your life may result in a se...

If my misery could be weighed and my troubles be put on the scales, they would outweigh the sands of the sea