Truth as I see it

Don't let anyone steal your joy! MELE KALIKIMAKA!  MERRY CHRISTMAS! Been working on Christmas and my other blog because I am waiting to share my story here until after Christmas. I do not want to steal any one's joy. Joy stealer's are everywhere, invitations, family, commitments, being over budget and over booked. This is not the celebration of Christs birth. It is Commercial Christmas. Christ's birth should be a  special time of year not one to busy yourself out of the joy. The enemy comes to steal your joy and busyness is one method he uses, don't let him. Pick and choose what you want to experience and know that the people who truly love and support you will understand if your focus changes. It's about the birth of our savior and it is really His birthday party, don't spoil it. I love everything about this holiday and try to absorb as much of it as I can. I stay away from things that might trigger me and I use all of my coping...

Truth as I see it: Sometimes it's hard to be thankful : As I look at this time of thanksgiving I can't help but feel less than who I want to be for a moment, but with a progressive disease I ...

As I look at this time of thanksgiving I can't help but feel less than who I want to be for a moment, but with a progressive disease I know all too well, next year I may be unable to do some of the hings I am doing this year. So being thankful at this time of year for what I can do and for the blessings I do have is so important for my spirit. It takes more effort to forge through than to sit in self pity but if you keep at it soon it becomes a habit.  None of this is possible without my faith and God's blessings.  Is life perfect? No.  Do I have everything I want? No.  But with Him I have everything I need. Being thankful - I am not perfect at it and sometimes I work at it harder some days than others but I do know being thankful fills my heart with joy and takes my focus off of me. It brightens my mood and gives me energy.   This is last year when just the 2 of us this year we will have 8! I would have never guessed we would have company t...

                I sure would love to hear from some readers. Let me know how this post was received by you in the comments at the bottom. Thanks! September among other things, is Charcot Marie Tooth Awareness month . I have two tabs on the top of this page that can explain CMT and who discovered it. For this year I want to talk about what CMT is to me. CMT, I have had it all my life and yet it continues to present me with new challenges. I am 55 and I still try to ignore it and on a good day almost get away with it. When I over do it my joints ache and throb with pain. I have learned to adapt, evolved I suppose, in to a creature that is determined to be resilient. My arms are very weak now. I was trying to strengthen them but it only made things worse . My feet are turning in more and at night the pain from the calf muscles makes it hard to sleep. My body wants to curl in to a ball, it's tempt...

Happy birthday to my friend Christine Miserando! So sorry you were in the hospital- wait you were in the hospital on your original birth day too! Thank you for all of the knowledge and power you have brought in to my life. My days are infinitely better because of "The Spoon Theory!". Spoon Theory Wishing you love and sunny days for this year. You are a special one! Check out more on fb- ButYouDontLookSick.com

" Lord I promise to rely on you when I feel I can't go on and to have enough faith that the moment of darkness I may be feeling will pass. "    Suicide is not an option   I often say "pain is a game changer", it is. I was going along engaging in activities, living my life, feeling good about things and the pain got bigger than me. It hit hard 2 weeks ago and has gotten worse every day. I am once again broken beyond possibility and am just trying to survive until Tuesday when I get another cortisone shot in my hip. Honestly child birth was nothing compared to this. The enemy loves to attack in times of weakness and has been on full assault. I have doubts and am terrified my life will continue in pain. I had a handful of pills but remembered my promise not to ever play God and take my life. It will have all been for nothing if I do. I am being honest here it is too much for me. Today i will takes as many meds as I think are safe and try to get thro...

After reading  Choose Joy I came up with some life goals. I want to be living intentionally and present, seeking God's will always and taking care of myself as much as possible. I want the people in my life to know that they are loved and also anyone I come in contact with. I think these goals are a good start. I want to; 1.  Be known as a woman of strong faith  2.  Walk the path God leads me down with courage and determination 3.  Appreciate all of my life and the many incredible blessings 4.  Love God, Love others- unconditionally 5.  Choose joy over anxiety 6.  Make healthy choices 7.  Be an encourager, Always speak the truth in love 8.  Forgive everyone including myself 9.  Ask for help when I need it 10. Be my own advocate with doctors Psalm 94:18-19 New International Version (NIV) 18  When I said, “My foot is slipping,”      your unfailing love, Lord , supported me. 19...

I have had too much going on physically. I am overwhelmed and I have been trying to be strong not just for me but for everyone else. Today during a therapy session I touched back to my childhood and revealed where it all started------- In a hospital getting poked and prodded. Having my privacy invaded and ignored. It started when I was being told " be a big girl, don't cry, be strong". It was my mothers voice.  My experience started in 1964 and that seems like a million years ago if you look at today's medical environments. There were visiting hours and lots of rules. There were wards rather than rooms and a very cold sterile environment. Procedures were not explained to me I was told what to do but not what to expect. When I was eight I had both an upper and lower GI. The x-ray attendant was unkind and impatient which resulted in quite a mess. It just gets worse but now the picture is painted. I think we all look for something we have control over in experiences...

I just started the book Choose Joy which is very popular right now. It is made from blog posts Sara Frankl wrote before she died of a disease that is ten times more horrendous than anything I have to deal with. That is intimidating. I have sometimes complained of the low numbers of Christian bloggers who keep it real when it comes to chronic illness and pain. I have prided myself on the many coping tools I use. I have grown in my faith and praise Jesus so much more than ever until I have a 10+ pain day and then where is my faith? I realized as I ended the first chapter it's not about comparisons. I am reminding myself of what I say in my post Worst thing   on my other blog but it applies here also. What ever your worst symptom or pain  level is or has been, it is your worst thing.  It is the place where hope is losing and fear charges in. It is full of doubt and confusion and I believe not from God. It is what we try so hard to stay away from. Sometimes a new sympto...

Need to have a chat with the pain management doctor tomorrow and am feeling anxious about it. Pain makes my life unlivable at times. Pain steals my joy and definitely affects my sense of purpose. Not wanting to live with any more pain is not the same as being suicidal. It means for me at least that I am going to start making some noise until someone finally hears me. Living in pain is unacceptable. We don't let our animals live in pain. Pain breaks me down in to nothing of any value. Similar to the argument from my primary care doc about chronic pain being managed by narcotics reduces your life. Huh? Same theory reversed reasons. I am definitely going to try and get the attention and care I need and should have if it doesn't happen I am going to mm teas, oils, lotions. I will not have any choice. So where are you in this God ? Are you closing doors and opening new ones. I trust you to find a solution and to use whomever you need to make it happen. I need to not live in this k...

Such an excellent post by my friend Kim at Grace is Sufficient Making decisions . I printed this nugget and will put it in my office to be a reminder. Yesterday was one of those valley days for me and if I had been pressed to make a decision it would not have been a good one. Sometimes we just need to ask for time and we need to pray. Prayer always helps to calm me and remind me I have a God that is greater than my pain and my bad day. He will work all things out for His glory! Kim is also doing a book club on "Choose Joy" written by Sarah Frankl - a christian woman with chronic illnes and Mary Carvers. I have never done a book club before but after reading her posts I am getting the book. Father you are amazing how you use others to give us your blessings. I want to lift Kim up to you today and ask to ease her burden and give her rest. She is such a precious friend to me and I appreciates that she uses some of her valuable time to reach out to others. Lord let this post t...

Can't believe it's time for double fives already! Starting a few white hairs coming though so no denying it. This last year has been another one full of change, acceptance and growth. Wouldn't want things to get boring! All in all it has been a year full of good memories and time well spent. I love Jesus even more than I ever have.  Michael and I are in a good place, a little bumped and bruised but happy and healing. My kids are living healthy happy lives with good people in them. I officially retired from nursing and am just grateful to have done it as long as I did. My favorite past time is coloring. I have been coloring to relax and bring calm in to my life for a long time.It is a positive memory from my childhood and comforts me. Now that adult coloring is popular I have more choices of what to color. I really like gel pens they make it easier on  my wrist. I pray for the person I am making the picture for while I am coloring, so it serves a greater purpose. ...

Shine On! Can I make a blog post centered around a sweet picture and quote? You betcha! I have had my experiences with spiritual warfare from horrendous times to small daily trip ups. The battle can seem unwinnable but the battle belongs to the Lord and keeping my faith focused on him keeps me strong and centered. I have certain prayers I use repeatedly and some scripture memorized which help. Mostly I just start talking to Him and laying my burdens down for Him to take care of, I also stay focused on knowing that I can get through anything the enemy throws at me when I am close to God. I know the end of the story and it is beautiful. see more Healing takes a lifetime Shine On!