Saturday, January 31, 2015

Yearly inventory

By the time I warm up to my birthday it's over .♡
I usually make an inventory list on my birthday of what I have learned or reaffirmed in the last year mostly because I want to be
the wise old woman everyone listens to. I can't believe it's been a year tomorrow that we have been here!

So here is my wisdom list - Things I have learned or affirmed
  • Having dreams come true is amazing but there is always a price to pay
  • Gecko tails come off if you grab them but they grow back
  • It does get a little chilly in Hawaii at night after you have been here awhile
  • Walking on a boat without my AFO's is no longer an option
  • Having my dog almost die really shook me up - never saw that coming
  • Investing in someone else's dream might be the defining moment in your relationship
  • Losing my vision was the scariest thing to happen this year
  • Telling people I would be happy to live in a studio apartment on Maui may not have been realistic but we are making it work
  • Writing about my trauma helps to take away it's power over my life
  • The threat of a hurricane is blown (ha) out of proportion
  • Being prepared for a hurricane makes me feel more secure
  • My husband is braver than I have ever know any man to be
  • My idea of a good movie is not Hollywood's that's for sure
  • Missing people is constant but if your the one that left you can't complain
  • Ambien is what was missing on my med list - Love that stuff!
  • People can block you on fb for no apparent reason
  • Whales are incredible mammals and I want to swim with one
  • I still hate centipedes!
  • Accepting my health makes me less angry and it's easier to be grateful for the health I do have
  • They make scooters that can go on the beach!
  • I love my little brother so so much and I am so proud of him!
  • Finding good doctors, ones that care and really listen is like gold
  • Taking Cipro 4-5 times a year the last 6 years has progressed my CMT
  • As much as I love my hubs I still want the bed to myself
  • It is not fair to have hair on my lip and pimples
  • When God wants your attention it is best to give it to him unconditionally
  • My husband will do anything I ask so it is important to keep what I ask of him respectful and honoring to our relationship
  • I am a survivor and an incredibly resilient lady who loves with a strong heart
  • Being less social makes me very unhappy
  • Watching Parenthood has made me a better person
  • Having more good days than bad is worth all of it
  • I have judged some people in my life to harshly and myself even worse and I want to be done with that
  • I love beef and I don't care if I am addicted to chocolate
  • Asking for something I need is so much better than being pissed off that someone didn't figure out I needed it
  • Some friends are forever friends and they love you unconditionally
  • Some friends are not
  • The harder it rains the bigger the waterfall
  • I think way too much about possible outcomes in other words I worry too much
  • "Church" is not really my thing Jesus and the word are
  • Living by the spoon theory really helps me and my hubs
  • In spite of mistakes I made I have 3 incredible children who humble me
  • Love is the greatest commandment, Hope gets you to the next day and faith carries you when you can't make it alone
  • When people love you and support your dream they buy tickets and open their home to you and they make an effort to stay connected and I feel loved
  • My new favorite flowers grow on lilikoi vines and for only a few days
  • Not being able to feed yourself or even cook really was frustrating
  • I want to live more in the present with intentionality purposefully because I think it will make my life more valuable to me
  • I need to love and intention in to my relationships constantly and show others how often they are thought of also prayed for
  • I need to trust God more and worry less
  • I need to take good care of myself and eat better and rest when I need to

Lord help me to stay focused on your plan for my life, keep my heart open and my attitude positive. I know that I know that I know you are God and no matter what comes my way I will feel your comfort and be in your arms forever. Let the next year be full of your blessings and may I have a heart of gratitude. While I am weaker and my disease has progressed I am resilient and I want to be used by you Lord I am willing. Lead me father I am yours. Amen

Also wanted to put a plug for one of my favorite blogs her list of goals is awesome.   A new kind of normal - check it out! 

Tuesday, January 6, 2015

Acceptance and peace

Today I am thinking about the book my daughter told suggested to me   "One Thousand Gifts" and how much it helped change my attitude at the time. Lately I have had a hard time expressing gratitude but I truly am grateful for so much. We have a solid roof over us, plenty of food and a nice car I love to drive. We live in the most beautiful place on earth and I am constantly reminded of Gods grace and power in my life. I have an awesome family and lots of love.

Depression is one of the most common complications of chronic illness. It's estimated that up to one-third of people with a serious medical condition have symptoms of depression.I certainly struggle though I have come to a place of acceptance with my physical illness's CMT, fibromyalgia and interstitial cystitis. It is simpler than I thought it could ever be mostly because I have been willing to seek God in this and have let go of some anger, frustration, and disappointment. I also have an excellent therapist who helps me immensely. The new medication for the IC is really helping and I feel more empowered than ever before. I now know the intensity of a flare up and how to respond.

 Looking at other blogs and reading books about chronic illness and pain is also helping. I can't believe what some people have to deal with day to day. But comparing yourself to anyone is counter productive because whatever your Worst thing is, it is harder than you ever thought possible. 


Lord help me to rely more on you than myself and to be honestly grateful for all that I have and that you provide. Jesus continue your work in my life and help me to be strong through you. Let someone else's life be encouraged by reading this. Amen.

Thursday, January 1, 2015

God is in it..........

What a year you have led me through Lord! Major move leaving loved ones and a life we knew for paradise and hopefully an opportunity to serve you and be healthier.
362 days later - I certainly have learned that no matter what, God is in it. I miss people but I do not miss Colorado. We have been blessed in so many ways with jobs,cars and places to live. There is less physical pain overall but this last year has been my sickest ever. It's almost as if everything that has been bottled up inside from stressful circumstances has oozed out of my body in the form of one infection or another or injury. My CMT has progressed a lot this year and I am starting to look realistically at the future. My faith has been pushed to the edge but it has been the one constant this last year.

I am thankful for my online support groups and for opportunities to help others. I am also thankful for the new people you have brought by way of blog, book or from my health care team. I have asked many of the same health questions for years and had to come here to get the answers!

I mourn the loss of old friends and people who have had an affect on my life and I am grateful for the deepening of some relationships in spite of the distance.

Lord I am more sure of you now than ever before and I have learned that your will and my will can be vastly different. You have closed many doors that I was wanting to go through and made it clear it was you doing so.

 I have also come to terms with the difference between happiness and peace. Right now with some of my medical issues under control and many questions answered I am at finally at peace. I know that no matter where I am or end up, you are there Lord it's just that sometimes my flesh get's in the way and tries to divert my attention from you and your word. I have to remind myself that God is in it.

Father I am praying earnestly for your healing of my eyes. My life is already so solitary without my eyesight I would not have much desire to live in this world. I used to think physical pain was the worst that could plague me and before that emotional pain but now I truly value my vision and reading, looking at your tremendous creation and just not being afraid of falling so much more than I ever did.

Lord I want to serve you in writing this blog but it does take some of my spoons (energy) that could go toward other things. Please guide me how to proceed. If it is your will I am willing but if not once again close this door for me, but without losing my vision please. I hope I have grown enough that it doesn't take such a dramatic lesson to learn from you.
Kolo and the coconut- Sarah's beach

Father the world barrages us with "things" and messages we should have or be. None of that is from you. Your word convicts us but it always comforts, always encourages and your spirit brings us peace. Be with anyone tonight that has lost sight of you or turned away. Grab a hold of them tightly until the morning sunrise edges out the darkness and calms their heart. Show each of us how to serve you more and ourselves less. Father let tonight be one of forgiveness and letting go and renewing relationship with you. Help us find peace, your peace that supasses understanding. Amen!

If anyone is reading this blog now would be a good time to tell me.
God Bless and Happy New Year!