My truth

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Thursday, August 4, 2016

Happy birthday to my friend Christine Miserando! So sorry you were in the hospital- wait you were in the hospital on your original birth day too! Thank you for all of the knowledge and power you have brought in to my life. My days are infinitely better because of "The Spoon Theory!". Spoon Theory
Wishing you love and sunny days for this year. You are a special one!

Saturday, June 25, 2016

Pain pain go away.....

"Lord I promise to rely on you when I feel I can't go on and to have enough faith that the moment of darkness I may be feeling will pass." 

 Suicide is not an option


I often say "pain is a game changer", it is. I was going along engaging in activities, living my life, feeling good about things and the pain got bigger than me. It hit hard 2 weeks ago and has gotten worse every day. I am once again broken beyond possibility and am just trying to survive until Tuesday when I get another cortisone shot in my hip. Honestly child birth was nothing compared to this.

The enemy loves to attack in times of weakness and has been on full assault. I have doubts and am terrified my life will continue in pain. I had a handful of pills but remembered my promise not to ever play God and take my life. It will have all been for nothing if I do. I am being honest here it is too much for me.

Today i will takes as many meds as I think are safe and try to get through the day with the clock ticking and pain screaming inside my body. I do not pretend to understand this. I only know I have to survive it. I have been here before but it does not get any easier. Overwhelmed  is a post describing this.

I will surround myself in music today. I will hold on. I will pray for release from this suffering. I will be confident that heaven holds no pain for me and know that God is bigger than all of this. I will read scripture and believe. It is all I have.

                                                     I need you now

Father I need you, I have so little left to give. The pain is too much for me. I desire to feel your spirit here with me in the midst of all of this pain. Please Father have the shot help me. I am fighting  the enemy and he is so strong. I believe in you Lord I do. Amen.

Update- I have been relieved of 90% of the 10+ pain since my cortisone shot on Tuesday. I am grateful but I am still struggling with why is the suffering necessary? I was hesitant to even write this post hoping my pain would go away but sometimes when I am in the deepest darkest places I know in my heart someone else is also. I want that person to know they are not alone. I want to spread hope. I want to find answers/ treatment/ideas of how to survive what ever illness people have. I would love to hear from you if you are out there. Please comment and subscribe to my page if it works for you.


Saturday, May 7, 2016

Life Goals

After reading  Choose Joy I came up with some life goals. I want to be living intentionally and present, seeking God's will always and taking care of myself as much as possible. I want the people in my life to know that they are loved and also anyone I come in contact with. I think these goals are a good start.

I want to;

1.  Be known as a woman of strong faith 

2.  Walk the path God leads me down with courage and determination

3.  Appreciate all of my life and the many incredible blessings

4.  Love God, Love others- unconditionally

5.  Choose joy over anxiety

6.  Make healthy choices

7.  Be an encourager, Always speak the truth in love

8.  Forgive everyone including myself

9.  Ask for help when I need it

10. Be my own advocate with doctors

Psalm 94:18-19New International Version (NIV)

18 When I said, “My foot is slipping,”
    your unfailing love, Lord, supported me.
19 When anxiety was great within me,
    your consolation brought me joy. 


What are your life goals? How do you meet those goals? How do they make your life better? Let me hear from you.

   Lord I am in such awe of the ways you have healed me. I long for the day I am free from this body and physically present with you in heaven. I desire your will in my life and want so much to serve you. Help me Lord to find what it is you have for me. Help me Jesus to endure the physical pain and progressive loss I have in this body.  Give me encouragement and continue to bless my family. I love you. Amen.