Truth as I see it

Cant’s! I am so sick of cant’s! Can’t do this can’t do that! I want a long list of things I Can do! The most recent can’t came yesterday when my hubs and I went to check out a beach where a group called Beach Dance meets. Moving, dancing on the sand is so much safer for me because the sand is forgiving both with movement and if I fall. The idea of spending an hour dancing with others and enjoying time on the beach was so enticing for me. Well Boo! The beach is inaccessible to me. It involves a ¼ mile hike over uneven ground and around lava boulders, which will shred you if you fall on them. On a positive note if you come visit me I will tell you where this beach is! So I am on to the Can Do list. Actually I am making it in to a Want To Do list because that is more empowering. Not a bucket list but things I can do on a regular basis. I could have completed the hike yesterday against my husbands advice and probably been injured maybe even needed a helicopter evacuation to ...

Another comedian admits to depression. Wayne Brady gave an interview and really opened up. It just goes to show how many people hide their depression and even enough to work making other people laugh. Sad. I certainly put on my smile for others but I don't have to do it to make a living. I always found it easier to feel "up" when I worked because I was focusing on other people.The more celebrities that share openly the better it will be for all of us. Depression can be part of a normal  grieving process with any loss, it can be biological or the affect of PTSD. You can't just decide to be happy if you have clinical depression. You have to work at it through therapy, educating yourself, lifestyle, diet and sometimes pharmaceutical aid. I have a brain that was permanently affected by severe trauma and I have learned to look at the meds as a positive and be grateful for them. An earlier post PTSD Facebook Page talks about how they can now see on an MRI...

The precise meaning of chronic is "persisting for a long time", and it is used chiefly of illnesses or other problems. If you are chronically ill chances are you are operating at max capacity every day. I know I am and have been for the last 26 years. I feel like the child’s game where you try to fill the bucket with out it spilling over and when it does the game is done. I feel like if I get one more thing medically to deal with – game over. Today I had to yell at a nurse over the phone, to get the help I needed. This should never happen! One of the reasons I went in to nursing was to make a difference, to actually care about and help people. Patch Adams one of my all time favorite movies touches on this and is an example of what I am talking about. When I worked at a hospital a patient with nausea and vomiting requested lime Jell-O and his nurse did not order it so I asked why and she said he would just vomit it back up. Since there was no medical reason he coul...

After some input and prayer I have decided to split my blog in to two different blogs. This blog will continue to deal with chronic illness and faith and my other blog will be focused on PTSD and healing. The link is http://healingtakesalifetime.blogspot.com/ Thank you- Mauigirl

Your kidneys are failing???????????? I have had UTI‘s  aka urinary tract infections, since I was 7. I have been worked over by specialists, had 2 bladder surgeries, scoped twice, been asked the same mundane questions repeatedly, taken meds that as it turns out probably made my CMT worse and now my kidneys are failing? What did I do? How can this be happening? Ok you know what, I don’t even care anymore. Stop this ride I want to get off. I am not a martyr! I am so tired and can’t fight any more battles just to hold on to a life that is so incredibly difficult. Seriously maybe it’s time. Poof! Your gone, can’t take it back. Ah but I can. My God is amazing and he is full of compassion and mercy. He is big enough to hear my prayers, my complaints, my doubt, and love me anyway. I talk to God like I talk to most other people and he hears me. I asked him to heal me if he could make my life worth living – physically speaking. Lets re cap the last few months Respiratory i...

Jean-Martin Charcot Charcot's primary focus was neurology. He named and was the first to describe multiple sclerosis . [2] [11] Summarizing previous reports and adding his own clinical and pathological observations, Charcot called the disease sclerose en plaques . The three signs of Multiple sclerosis now known as Charcot's triad 1 are nystagmus , intention tremor , and telegraphic speech , though these are not unique to MS. Charcot also observed cognition changes, describing his patients as having a "marked enfeeblement of the memory" and "conceptions that formed slowly". He was also the first to describe a disorder known as Charcot joint or Charcot arthropathy, a degeneration of joint surfaces resulting from loss of proprioception . He researched the functions of different parts of the brain and the role of arteries in cerebral hemorrhage . [2] Charcot was among the first to describe Charcot-Marie-Tooth disease (CMT). The announcement was made s...

The following is a letter  I wrote to my family about 3 weeks ago. I genuinely just wanted to be real with them and didn't want them to be taken off guard if my condition worsened. Now they are all upset with me so I guess it wasn't a good idea? I find myself writing to the unknown and countless souls in the world who may, like me, just need to talk. Also to those who like me, believe in a God the creator with whom I feel confidant can handle my anger with love and grace. Friends and family I have been through a major health crisis this last week and I am now embarrassed to say was hoping I would not get better. I am tired and really fed up with this poor excuse of a body God gave me. I have tried to hold on for so many reasons for so long but it just keeps getting harder. I have been a little hopeless and that leads down a deep dark hole for me. Then my kidneys st arted to fail and I thought this really could be it. I prayed that God would heal me. N...