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Lord I'm ready now

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Chronic Illness and faith

The precise meaning of chronic is "persisting for a long time", and it is used chiefly of illnesses or other problems. If you are chronically ill chances are you are operating at max capacity every day. I know I am and have been for the last 26 years. I feel like the child’s game where you try to fill the bucket with out it spilling over and when it does the game is done. I feel like if I get one more thing medically to deal with – game over. Today I had to yell at a nurse over the phone, to get the help I needed. This should never happen! One of the reasons I went in to nursing was to make a difference, to actually care about and help people. Patch Adams one of my all time favorite movies touches on this and is an example of what I am talking about. When I worked at a hospital a patient with nausea and vomiting requested lime Jell-O and his nurse did not order it so I asked why and she said he would just vomit it back up. Since there was no medical reason he coul...
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Can do list- interrupted

Cant’s! I am so sick of cant’s! Can’t do this can’t do that! I want a long list of things I Can do! The most recent can’t came yesterday when my hubs and I went to check out a beach where a group called Beach Dance meets. Moving, dancing on the sand is so much safer for me because the sand is forgiving both with movement and if I fall. The idea of spending an hour dancing with others and enjoying time on the beach was so enticing for me. Well Boo! The beach is inaccessible to me. It involves a ¼ mile hike over uneven ground and around lava boulders, which will shred you if you fall on them. On a positive note if you come visit me I will tell you where this beach is! So I am on to the Can Do list. Actually I am making it in to a Want To Do list because that is more empowering. Not a bucket list but things I can do on a regular basis. I could have completed the hike yesterday against my husbands advice and probably been injured maybe even needed a helicopter evacuation to ...
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Done being strong

I have had too much going on physically. I am overwhelmed and I have been trying to be strong not just for me but for everyone else. Today during a therapy session I touched back to my childhood and revealed where it all started------- In a hospital getting poked and prodded. Having my privacy invaded and ignored. It started when I was being told " be a big girl, don't cry, be strong". It was my mothers voice.  My experience started in 1964 and that seems like a million years ago if you look at today's medical environments. There were visiting hours and lots of rules. There were wards rather than rooms and a very cold sterile environment. Procedures were not explained to me I was told what to do but not what to expect. When I was eight I had both an upper and lower GI. The x-ray attendant was unkind and impatient which resulted in quite a mess. It just gets worse but now the picture is painted. I think we all look for something we have control over in experiences...
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