My only hope comes from knowing my destiny is in Gods hands and however long or no matter how much suffering I have on this earth I know I will be in a new body and well in Heaven.
There is a treatment for CMT coming soon which will stop the progression. I used to say if I never got worse than "this" I would be happy and I meant it. I do not feel that way anymore. If it were only CMT I had to deal with I would be stronger. It is not death that scares me I will welcome it when it comes, it is suffering that terrifies me. I am afraid of how much more pain I can endure. I will continue to fight all of the ailments my body contains but only out of respect for a Father who I love and cherish more than anything. I want to believe in healing for myself I know it is possible but I guess I have given up hope. Instead it seems like God has purpose in my suffering, perhaps writing or encouraging others to believe. So know that as we prepare to celebrate the birth of our savior who suffered more than we can imagine to set our souls free, know that He loves you undeniably.
Tomorrow night my friend Bernadette will be making herself vulnerable again attending a showing of the documentary "Bernadette" based on her life with CMT. Her passion to change lives, get people properly diagnosed and spread knowledge of CMT drives her. Bernadette has symptoms of CMT much more progressed than mine and I am humbled by her.
Lord this has been a tough week and when the pain is intolerable it scares me. I try to remember it will pass and be a memory but I am also anxious of it starting again. Only you can hold me through this and keep me from the darkness that threatens my promise to you. Only you can answer my prayers and take any of this from me I am at your mercy. You know more than I how much I can take. As I read Job and his struggle I connect. I want your word to live inside me and guide me through every step and yet I hesitate to finish the book because I am afraid of the ending but you Lord are my ending. Rest, less pain and more faith I pray for these. I also pray that you Lord bring the right people to the movie viewing to help Bernadette obtain her goals and that you would give her energy and health to endure the evening.
This song give me courage I hope it does you also. Keep holding on if your here there is purpose and if you are willing God will use you.