Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Overwhelmed - a familiar place

I am feeling a bit overwhelmed this week from health issues and I am beginning to wonder if I will ever be healthy again? I was thinking about the condition I was in 7 years ago when I stopped working as a nurse so that I would not be as tired and to get healthier. Neither of those 2 things have happened. In fact it I would love to be in the condition I was in 7 years ago and as badly as I feel now I wonder will I be saying the same thing in another 7 years? Will I wish then to be as healthy/unhealthy as I am now? It is hard for me to believe being much more unhealthy than I am now is livable. I know there are many of you you who suffer from all kinds of ailments and chronic disease's that can attest to having the same thoughts. I am not trying be a downer just stating how I feel today.

My only hope comes from knowing my destiny is in Gods hands and however long or no matter how much suffering I have on this earth I know I will be in a new body and well in Heaven.

There is a treatment for CMT coming soon which will stop the progression. I used to say if I never got worse than "this" I would be happy and I meant it. I do not feel that way anymore. If it were only CMT I had to deal with I would be stronger. It is not death that scares me I will welcome it when it comes, it is suffering that terrifies me. I am afraid of how much more pain I can endure. I will continue to fight all of the ailments my body contains but only out of respect for a Father who I love and cherish more than anything. I want to believe in healing for myself I know it is possible but I guess I have given up hope. Instead it seems like God has purpose in my suffering, perhaps writing or encouraging others to believe. So know that as we prepare to celebrate the birth of our savior who suffered more than we can imagine to set our souls free, know that He loves you undeniably.

Tomorrow night my friend Bernadette will be making herself vulnerable again attending a showing of the documentary "Bernadette" based on her life with CMT. Her passion to change lives, get people properly diagnosed and spread knowledge of CMT drives her. Bernadette has symptoms of CMT much more progressed than mine and I am humbled by her.


Lord this has been a tough week and when the pain is intolerable it scares me. I try to remember it will pass and be a memory but I am also anxious of it starting again. Only you can hold me through this and keep me from the darkness that threatens my promise to you. Only you can answer my prayers and take any of this from me I am at your mercy. You know more than I how much I can take. As I read Job and his struggle I connect. I want your word to live inside me and guide me through every step and yet I hesitate to finish the book because I am afraid of the ending but you Lord are my ending. Rest, less pain and more faith I pray for these. I also pray that you Lord bring the right people to the movie viewing to help Bernadette obtain her goals and that you would give her energy and health to endure the evening.

This song give me courage I hope it does you also. Keep holding on if your here there is purpose and if you are willing God will use you.

3 comments:

  1. HI there. God answers prayers in a variety of different ways and this might be one of them. I will like to point you to a doctor who might very well have the advice and knowledge you might be looking for. He did a webinar on fibromyalgia and he does not use expensive pharmaceutical drugs with his patients. He uses medical nutrition and gets great results. I will like to share this webinar with you, if you would be interested in viewing it. Find me on facebook, or email me at wilrho20@gmail.com.

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    1. I am interested in better nutrition, even with my nursing background it gets confusing. Seems like they change the opinion rapidly. I just saw on Dr. Oz someone saying fruit isn't necessarily goos for you sheesh! Thanks for the info.

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