Saturday, June 25, 2016

Pain pain go away.....

"Lord I promise to rely on you when I feel I can't go on and to have enough faith that the moment of darkness I may be feeling will pass." 

 Suicide is not an option

 

I often say "pain is a game changer", it is. I was going along engaging in activities, living my life, feeling good about things and the pain got bigger than me. It hit hard 2 weeks ago and has gotten worse every day. I am once again broken beyond possibility and am just trying to survive until Tuesday when I get another cortisone shot in my hip. Honestly child birth was nothing compared to this.

The enemy loves to attack in times of weakness and has been on full assault. I have doubts and am terrified my life will continue in pain. I had a handful of pills but remembered my promise not to ever play God and take my life. It will have all been for nothing if I do. I am being honest here it is too much for me.

Today i will takes as many meds as I think are safe and try to get through the day with the clock ticking and pain screaming inside my body. I do not pretend to understand this. I only know I have to survive it. I have been here before but it does not get any easier. Overwhelmed  is a post describing this.



I will surround myself in music today. I will hold on. I will pray for release from this suffering. I will be confident that heaven holds no pain for me and know that God is bigger than all of this. I will read scripture and believe. It is all I have.
                                                          

                                                     I need you now



Father I need you, I have so little left to give. The pain is too much for me. I desire to feel your spirit here with me in the midst of all of this pain. Please Father have the shot help me. I am fighting  the enemy and he is so strong. I believe in you Lord I do. Amen.

Update- I have been relieved of 90% of the 10+ pain since my cortisone shot on Tuesday. I am grateful but I am still struggling with why is the suffering necessary? I was hesitant to even write this post hoping my pain would go away but sometimes when I am in the deepest darkest places I know in my heart someone else is also. I want that person to know they are not alone. I want to spread hope. I want to find answers/ treatment/ideas of how to survive what ever illness people have. I would love to hear from you if you are out there. Please comment and subscribe to my page if it works for you.
Thanks.