Sunday, October 26, 2014


After some input and prayer I have decided to split my blog in to two different blogs. This blog will continue to deal with chronic illness and faith and my other blog will be focused on PTSD and healing. The link is Thank you- Mauigirl

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Kidneys who needs them?

Your kidneys are failing????????????

I have had UTI‘s  aka urinary tract infections, since I was 7. I have been worked over by specialists, had 2 bladder surgeries, scoped twice, been asked the same mundane questions repeatedly, taken meds that as it turns out probably made my CMT worse and now my kidneys are failing? What did I do? How can this be happening? Ok you know what, I don’t even care anymore. Stop this ride I want to get off. I am not a martyr! I am so tired and can’t fight any more battles just to hold on to a life that is so incredibly difficult. Seriously maybe it’s time.
Poof! Your gone, can’t take it back.
Ah but I can. My God is amazing and he is full of compassion and mercy. He is big enough to hear my prayers, my complaints, my doubt, and love me anyway. I talk to God like I talk to most other people and he hears me. I asked him to heal me if he could make my life worth living – physically speaking. Lets re cap the last few months
Respiratory illness
Sprained ankle fall- CMT
Migraine headaches- debilitating
Eye infection – vision affected, blind for 2 weeks and still not clear after 5 weeks
2 more falls – CMT- pain
UTI ongoing
IV meds
Diabetes insipidous
so, now I hope you can understand my attitude. It doesn’t matter because I believe God does and he has compassion for me. When I pray I worship God and I thank him for all of the blessings and for his grace. I also ask for his help in my struggles, I tell him when I have had enough, and I have. It is not at all like being suicidal or from a place of depression. It is just about surrendering the war and asking for respite.
I am going to give my life a bit of an over haul and yes I will go to see the Urologist again, but I am also believing that God has heard my cries and agreed that it is enough. So many times people look for “the purpose” in suffering. Maybe there is no redeemable purpose. Maybe suffering is just a consequence of illness. All of the hyperbole about it making you stronger feels like bunk to me, it may allow you to see strength you were unaware of but it wears on you. God is a loving God and he did not create us to suffer. We are meant to be in relationship with him and to strive to live a life worthy of his grace. All of that summed up means sometimes suffering is just part of life and some of us have more than our share if that’s possible.
Selfishly I can say as a nurse I made a sizable living at helping people who were suffering. More importantly my life had meaning. I was using my gifts in a profession people admire. I was holding the hand of the dying and aiding the family members. I was relieving people from their pain. I felt good about myself.

So maybe that is the reason for suffering, helping each other and living compassionate lives so that we can know God in a deeper way, and we can experience miracles and healing.

I am grateful for my relationship with my creator and for the ability to be real with him. He knows my heart and my thoughts so why not speak them out loud or, write them down! This is my blog read it or not. I am writing it to express myself and if it helps you or provokes you in to deeper thought that is awesome, if not find someplace that does. Life is too short to live it without passion!

Where the name comes from? Drs. Charcot, Marie and Tooth

Jean-Martin Charcot

Charcot's primary focus was neurology. He named and was the first to describe multiple sclerosis.[2][11] Summarizing previous reports and adding his own clinical and pathological observations, Charcot called the disease sclerose en plaques. The three signs of Multiple sclerosis now known as Charcot's triad 1 are nystagmus, intention tremor, and telegraphic speech, though these are not unique to MS. Charcot also observed cognition changes, describing his patients as having a "marked enfeeblement of the memory" and "conceptions that formed slowly". He was also the first to describe a disorder known as Charcot joint or Charcot arthropathy, a degeneration of joint surfaces resulting from loss of proprioception. He researched the functions of different parts of the brain and the role of arteries in cerebral hemorrhage.[2]
Charcot was among the first to describe Charcot-Marie-Tooth disease (CMT). The announcement was made simultaneously with Pierre Marie of France (his resident) and Howard Henry Tooth of England. The disease is also sometimes called peroneal muscular atrophy.[12]
Charcot's studies between 1868 and 1881 were a landmark in the understanding of Parkinson's disease.[13] Among other advances he made the distinction between rigidity, weakness and bradykinesia.[13] He also led the disease formerly named paralysis agitans (shaking palsy) to be renamed after James Parkinson.[13] Charcot received the first European professional chair of clinical diseases for the nervous system in 1882.[14]
for more info go to wikipedia
Jean Charcot